The importance of self discovery

When we journey inwards to discover who we really are, or our authentic self, we will have a better understanding of who we  are. Our values, our natural talents and abilities, our capabilities, our passions, what excites us, empowers us, inspires us and what we truly love.

As we discover who we really are we will:

Improve our relationships because we will care less about what other think of us, you won’t need other peoples approval as you will be more comfortable with yourself. This ultimately removes the wrong people in your life (the critical, negative energies) and draws the right individuals in – those who will love you for who you really are.

Find the right career. Self discovery forces you to look inward and find your natural talents. It will help you harness your unique capabilities – that unique gift you were born with. By acknowledging your mental and physical strengths, you can pursue a career that makes you happy, instead of one that makes you feel as though you are constantly swimming upstream.

Become physically healthier. There’s no question that self awareness makes you mentally healthier, but did you know that it can also impact your physical health? You begin to value yourself more, and a consequence, you eat better, you get out more, and you start to give your body what it truly needs.

Unfortunately, not knowing yourself well can result in a meaningless and unhappiness existence. You have no charge of who You really are. You allow your emotions and decisions to be externally dictated because you have no clear idea about what your inner values, core beliefs and goals are. Instead, you adopt the values, core beliefs and opinions of your friends, colleagues or parents, as your own. You have no clue about what your personal boundaries are. 

Self discovery is not an a one-day or a one-week affair. In fact, it can take a lifetime of building a relationship with yourself.

Here are 5 ways you can discover your authentic self:

Identify your core values – ask yourself what your personal values are. Core values will be things like compassion, honesty, love, kindness, loyalty, etc. Clarifying your core values will give you an exact picture of who You are. imagine yourself in a couple of roles and ask yourself what your values are in each case: i.e. as a mother, wife, daughter and entrepreneur. It is important your actions are supported by your core values and fundamentals. If not, you will find yourself in self sabotage and you will find it incredibly difficult to reach your goals.

Who are you – what are your unique qualities? – Make a list of ALL the qualities that make you, you. Who are you? Try to get to around 50 qualities! Include so-called negative qualities. Afraid of heights? Self-judging? Find it difficult to meet new people? Include all of them. Include everything that pops into your head. Have curly hair? Write that down. Love dogs? Write it down. Like organising events or feeling safe? Write it down. When we have this big list of about 50 qualities we need to reduce this down to the most important qualities that are the essence of you, so you will be left with about 10% of your list.

What makes your heart sing? – It is important to look at all the things that bring joy in to our lives so that we can add more of this into our lives. We all live busy lives but allowing our busy lives to take over can have detrimental effects on our energy and our wellbeing. It is important that we make the time to fit the things that bring us joy into our schedule on a daily basis.

Thinking about these things makes you feel blissfully happy and feeling true joy – free and light of all cares and worries. You can’t help but smile and you feel relaxed and at peace with yourself and the world. What makes your heart sing?

Boost your Strengths – find out what your strengths are, Focusing on the things you are good at will build your self confidence. Finding a job/career/life journey that focuses on your strengths (example: if one of your strengths is analysing, become a strategy consultant.  If you enjoy and are good at painting, become a painter.) Improving on your strengths can take you a long way, so pick two or three things you are really good at and see how you can use them in your day to day life, (work, career, family, social etc)

Draw out your gremlins – let go of sabotaging behaviour break free of limiting beliefs and self-judgements. Self sabotaging thoughts and behaviours are perpetuated by an inner critic we all possess. We can identify the self sabotaging thoughts that we have internalised and consciously choose to change them. One way of looking at your Gremlin is to see it as a habitual way of thinking. When we fall victim to our Gremlin and listen to its negative talk, we often engage in self limiting or self sabotaging behaviours that can be destructive to the success of our own lives. Where do you self sabotage yourself, make a list so that you can start to make positive changes.

Join me in my Facebook group for the 5 day self discovery challenge

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The Importance of Self Care

What is self-care?

Self-care is the time we give to ourselves each day to look after our mind, body and spirit

Why is self-care important?

It is important to look after ourselves to maintain our well-being, our physical appearance, our health, to nourish our souls and our bodies to ensure we are performing at our optimum at all times. Self-care is important to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself, sometimes called self-love. It produces positive feelings, which improves confidence and self-esteem.

During our self-care time it is also important to add 30 – 60 minutes a day me time where you can switch off and do nothing, take yourself off for a nice walk, a long hot bath, meditation or read a book.

The more time you spend on yourself the more energetic and efficient you will be.

Self-care is important for your family and friends too. They learn from you, so setting boundaries to take care of yourself shows them that they too need to put themselves first and not overextend or overwork. Unhealthy relationships come about when you don’t take time for your needs.

Be Kind to Yourself

As you go through the process of change, be kind to yourself.

Don’t be harsh or overly critical because change can be tough. You are challenging yourself. You’re digging around inside of you; altering how you live, think and fell and that takes courage and care.

Try to welcome change and relax into it. Nurture and love yourself. Be understanding with yourself.

Accept Yourself

Be proud of yourself and your hopes and the action steps you’re taking to be your SELF.

And, if you slip or stumble, get up and start again. Don’t give up or in. You’re a champion. Do your best. Give it all you’ve got.

The following ideas are self-care activities you can fit into a short amount of time.

Inner Self-Care

  • Make a date with yourself. Spend an hour alone doing something that nourishes you (reading, your hobby, walking in nature, visiting a museum or gallery, etc.).
  • Praise yourself when you do something awesome.
  • Read books and watch movies you enjoy.
  • Paint or write something that lets out your creative energy.
  • Unplug.
  • Journal
  • Learn something new, research something you’re interested in.
  • Meditate.
  • Take a class for fun.
  • Take a quick nap. Only 10 to 20 minutes can reduce your sleep debt and leave you ready for action.
  • Learn mindfulness or connect with a spiritual practice that resonates with you.

Outer Self-Care

  • Eat something you enjoy.
  • Have a long bath or shower, sit around in your bathrobe, and read magazines.
  • Do one thing just because it makes you happy
  • Stretch. 5-10 minutes to get out the kinks helps your body and mind.
  • Run or walk for a few minutes. Or go up and down the stairs two at a time, get your heart rate up.
  • Give your body comfort. Pick something from your wardrobe that feels great next to your skin.
  • Use lotion or a product that makes you happy.
  • Spend time with real friends and other people who lift you up.

It’s not about how you should live your life but rather how you want to. Follow your intuition. Listen to yourself. Locate your purpose and passion.

This is your agenda. Your journey as you weigh in and take stock of your life. This is your time.

When you take your first steps to change, the things you want most will come closer to you naturally.

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The Benefits of Journaling

Journaling has a multitude of benefits, from empowerment to growth. It’s a daily routine that could change your life, and all it takes is a pen and notebook.

Our daily lives are often packed with things we have to do — work, study, cleaning, family obligations and more. Journalling is about dedicating a few minutes each day to honour yourself, your thoughts and your feelings. It can help remind you who you are, what you want and whether you’re living your life as the kind of person you want to be. It’s also a great chance to practice a spot of gratitude and remind yourself how good your life really is, even when the little things sometimes get you down.

Journals have many purposes. They can be a healing tool or a way to capture your daily routines and the people you’ve encountered. It is a private activity that allows you to express your emotions and vent frustrations. If you are trying to make your way out of confusing life events or simply desire a more balanced life, allow yourself 20 minutes every morning to write out your feelings and intentions for the day. You may also want to keep a journal by your bedside to record your thoughts at the end of the day or any dreams you have.

The most important aspect of journalling is the emotional release—putting into words what’s in your heart. This could be secrets or issues you are reluctant to confront. Allow yourself to set down your thoughts without judging the grammar or quality of the content.

Writing and reviewing journal entries can help you gain perspective and wisdom. You can pour out on paper your self-doubts, pain, and anger, working through those feelings toward a more positive outlook. When you break through the cycle of negative self-talk and explore other approaches to life, personal growth will follow.

Add positivity to your journal by adding affirmations and your gratitude list. Add pictures and drawings, colour in words and paragraphs that are important to you. Make it as personal and as pretty as you want to.
Journaling Ideas

Here are some prompts, questions and ideas to explore in your journal to get to know yourself better.

  1. My favorite way to spend the day is…
  2. If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is…
  3. The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are… Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.
  4. Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.
  5. The words I’d like to live by are…
  6. I couldn’t imagine living without…
  7. When I’m in pain — physical or emotional — the kindest thing I can do for myself is
  8. Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and who you can genuinely trust. (add some gratitude for them)
  9. What does unconditional love look like for you?
  10. I really wish others knew this about me…
  11. If my body could talk, it would say…
  12. Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then write down how
  13. you can do the same for yourself.
  14. What do you love about life?
  15. Write about your first love — whether a person, place or thing.
  16.  Describe yourself. (be as descriptive as you can)
  17. What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?
  18. What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?
  19. I feel most energised when…
  20. “Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.”
  21. Make a list of everything that inspires you — from books to websites to quotes to people to paintings to stores to the stars.
  22. What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then learn about it.)
  23. I feel happiest in my skin when…
  24. Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.
  25. Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.
  26. My dreamiest day ( what would your dream day look like, smell and sound like)
  27. Your biggest Goal
  28. What are your biggest most important values?
  29. What limiting believes to you need to let go of?
  30. What would you like to do, have, be or achieve?

Have fun with your journal.

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Why it is important to let go of the past

It is so easy to allow unresolved past issues, hurt, pain and regrets to impact heavily on the present moment. Wishing we had done things differently, resenting relationships, people and events that have occurred in our lives can lead to wallowing in resentment and pain and keep us stuck in the past.

If only there was a way to turn back the clock and do things differently.

If we knew then what we know now, everything would work out perfectly.

We could have avoided the trauma, spared ourselves the tears and walked away pain-free to carry on and live a perfectly happy life.

Or so we tell ourselves.

Learning to live fully present can be one of the most difficult but fulfilling things to master. However, until we do this, all kinds of past issues will keep coming up and cloud our minds.

One of the main reasons we struggle to live in the present moment is that we carry huge amounts of baggage around from past experiences. Once we have been hurt, or something significant has happened, the emotion etches in our minds as a warning to prevent it from happening again in future experiences.

We can find ourselves going over, and over again, certain situations to find some way to make sense of everything, why it happened to us, what did we do to deserve it etc.

All we are really doing though, is overwhelming our minds with constant negativity and so it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to see things with clarity and put them in perspective.

One of the ways we can combat this is to focus on exactly what is going on in our lives right now,this moment.

Every day we remain trapped in the past, countless amazing opportunities pass us by. It’s important to clear everything that we no longer need, whether that is:

  • People
  • Emotions
  • Thoughts
  • Jobs
  • Situations
  • Relationships
  • Events

This will not only clear space in your life it will help to free you up emotionally and energetically allowing you to create change and manifest the things in life you desire.

We all go through hurt, anger, pain and destruction and it is there for a reason. It there to help us learn and grow. Each person that you meet, each situation in your life and each event is there to teach us something.

It is by looking at each of these things in turn, acknowledging them and the lesson they have brought us, forgiving them and letting them go that we can move forwards from our pasts. The past is the past for a reason. It is people, events or situations that no longer serve us, it is time to let them go so that we can make room in our lives for new people, opportunities, possibilities and events.

Trust me I have been through my own share of hurt, pain, disastrous relationships and more. I have use all the tools I use in my coaching session to get me where I am today. You can read My Story here.

Are you ready to leave the past behind you and create change?

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Daily Success Habits

2840017Our daily habits can either help us or hurt our success in life. Bad habit can fester and grow into a lifestyle that takes you away from the things you want to do, where as a good habit can help you create a life that’s full of action, accomplishment and success.

Look at someone who is successful, maybe someone who inspires you, you will see that they spend each day doing the things that help them accomplish their goals and create success in their lives. They all have daily rituals that they complete every single day, that help them to stay motivated, focused and on track. This isn’t to say that they are all perfect, but they all have rituals or daily success habits that have a positive impact on their lives.

It is not enough to just read about daily habits, it’s meaningless if you don’t implement that knowledge, you have to take action and create your own habits/rituals that will help you to create success in your own live.

So here are four daily habits of highly successful people that will help to inspire you to create your own daily success habits.

1.  Plan out your day the night before.

When we don’t have a plan to follow it is very easy to not accomplish anything during our day.  We wake up not knowing what we want to do or accomplish each day. Successful people spend a little time the night before giving themselves clear goals for the next day. Then they wake up and go down their list, get focused and take action.

Life doesn’t always work out as planned, but with a plan, you can adjust without losing momentum.

2.  Read books to get inspiration.

Forming a daily reading habit will expand your knowledge and help you on your journey to success. Read as many inspirational books as you can. Set a goal of how many books you will read this year.

3.  Make your health a priority.

What you eat and how much you exercise affects every area of your life. Successful people use their exercise as a time to reset and plan.  Make good food choices that will give you the energy you need to accomplish everything on your daily to-do list.

4. Don’t get distracted by what others are doing.

Get clear on your WHY! Follow people that inspire you, you can learn so much from them— their mistakes, their victories, what to do, what not to do. But if you start comparing your progress to theirs, instead of using their stories as inspiration, you can feel jealous, stressed, unworthy.

Successful people know their journey is unique. So don’t get stuck in the comparison stay focused on your why.

5. What supportive daily habits -SPECIFIC DAILY ACTIONS- could you introduce right now?

What five actions would best support your success, including your HOME, PERSONAL and WORK-LIFE.

You know yourself. Where do you sabotage yourself regularly? What ideas do you already have?

Examples:

  • -Have 15 mins of alone time each day – Take 10 mins mid-afternoon to recap where I am at
  • -Drink 8 glasses of water a day
  • – Make all my calls in the first hour of the day
  • -Be at my desk by 8am
  • – Write out top 3 priorities for the day, everyday
  • -Eat a healthy breakfast every morning
  • – Eat lunch away from my desk
  • -Be in bed by 10.30pm

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18 simple tips to help you feel better about yourself and build you self confidence today.

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Learn how to smile and others will smile with you.

There are very few people who could call themselves perfect and be right. Most of us need to build our self confidence, but the majority of us either ignore the issues or concentrate on the negatives: stress, worry, jobs, money problems and relationship issues. Concentrating on these areas drains our self confidence rather than improving it.

If you could improve your self confidence you could make more money, look and feel better physically, or just be more relaxed with other people. Below there are five simple techniques that have been proven to help build self confidence today.

1.Talk to yourself. It sounds crazy but it works. All of us have a running monologue constantly in our heads, whether we realise it or not. Everything we see, hear, or touch sparks off an immediate dialog in our thoughts.

For those who lack confidence this monologue is filled with negative messages, many of which are the negative side of adverts from television, radio, newspapers, and just overhearing other people talk.

These negative thoughts literally suck energy from our minds and bodies and block the flow of positive messages. We need to hear the positive messages as they will build self confidence and raise our self esteem. Take control. Use your inner thoughts to talk to yourself in a positive manner, as often as you can.

As an example one of my regular sayings is “I like myself, I like myself, I like myself”. I just repeat it for a couple of minutes. It sounds cheesy, but does build self confidence – Try it. I bet that if you go to the mirror right now and repeat out loud “I like myself!” 50 times, it will be impossible to not smile.

2.Dress smartly and as classy as you can. You wont feel at your best if you don’t look your best. You will be amazed at just how much more confidence you will have just looking your best. It feels good when you are wearing your best clothes, are well groomed, and are surrounded by a clean environment. So what if it is Saturday, you need to build self confidence today not next week. Put on your nice clothes, get the car washed, style that hair! A hairdresser once told me “Everyday is show time!”

3.Give Thanks. Increase your self esteem even more by giving thanks to what you are, how you look, and what you are doing. Say “thank you” to yourself, to everything you see, everyone you meet, and each smile that you receive.

4.Stand or sit correctly: How you stand sends out a message to the World, and in turn, back to you. This results in improving how you feel about yourself and will build self confidence today and every day.

There is scientific evidence that shows how posture affects our mood. Do not slouch. Slouching produces a down mood. By slouching you are telling the world and yourself it doesn’t matter, you don’t matter. Standing tall and upright will actually lift your mood. Help build up your confidence by pulling back those shoulders, stop that slouch, and walk proud.

5.Smile. Just smile and things seem better somehow. Practice smiling regularly and get your facial muscles used to the physical act of smiling.

Go to the mirror and smile – make yourself. Not a grimace, but a proper smile. If you don’t think you can try this:

1)Open your eyes as wide as you can – (try and get your eyebrows right up to you hair line)
2)Slightly open your mouth
3)Pull the corners of your mouth back towards your ears (If your not sure pull them back with your fingers so you know what it feels like then try again without your fingers).
4)Repeat 50 times. Get your facial muscles used to smiling and you will smile more and encourage smiles from others. This will make you feel happier and with that you’ll build self confidence today.

6. Think positive. keep your thought positive. Your thoughts and feelings create your reality (Law of Attraction) It is impossible to monitor every though but when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts think about something positive, a positive event or person and how you felt at that time.

7. Act positive. More than just thinking positively, you have to put it into action. Action, actually, is the key to developing self-confidence. It’s one thing to learn to think positive, but when you start acting on it, you change yourself, one action at a time. You are what you do, and so if you change what you do, you change what you are. Acting in a positive way, take action instead of telling yourself you can’t, be positive. Talk to people in a positive way, put energy into your actions. You’ll soon start to notice a difference.

8. Get to know yourself. When going into battle, the wisest general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the enemy without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative self-image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. Get to know yourself well. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about yourself, and about the thoughts you have about yourself, and analysing why you have such negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about yourself, the things you can do well, the things you like. Start thinking about your limitations, and whether they’re real limitations or just ones you’ve allowed to be placed there, artificially. Dig deep within yourself, and you’ll come out (eventually) with even greater self-confidence.
9. Know your principles and live them. What are the principles upon which your life is built? If you don’t know, you will have trouble, because your life will feel directionless. Think about your principles … you might have them but perhaps you haven’t given them much thought. Now think about whether you actually live these principles, or if you just believe in them but don’t act on them.
 
10. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write, and the practice will increase your competence.
 
11. Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail because they get discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal youknow you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll feel good about that. Now set another small goal and achieve that. The more you achieve small goals, the better you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel. Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but still achievable) goals and achieving those too.

12. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you’ve accomplished it, you’ll feel like a million dollars. (check out the daily success habits in this course).

13. Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude. I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image. Also, the more gratitude you send out the more the universe will send you to be grateful for. There is a whole section on gratitude later in the course.

14. Who inspires you. We often have role models or people we admire. It could be their image, their energy, their people skills, leadership skills, the way they make life seem so easy and uncomplicated or something else. Whatever Inspires you, think about who you would like to be by considering what it is in others that you admire and aspire to. If you can see it in others, you already have that quality in you.

15. Write an achievement list. If you look back at your life, what have you already achieved? Go back to school time writing down the exams you passed, the jobs you had, the friendships you made, experiences you had and so on. You will be surprised at how much you have already achieved, and sometimes it is not until we write it down that we can actually see how successful we have already been.

16.Spend time with people who make you feel good. You are already fabulous, it doesn’t hurt to keep being reminded!

Find people that inspire you, find out what they are doing to create successful lives, follow them on Facebook or twitter, read their blogs, books etc. Spend time with happy, successful people. People that make you feel good, encourage you to be the best you can be. Learn from them. These people will naturally boost your confidence. ( as discussed in finding your support team).

17. Boost your strengths. Do more of the things you are good at. Find ways to use and grow your strengths. It is your opportunity for the greatest growth and success in your life.

18. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique, with your own skills, values, beliefs and circumstances. You may think everyone is better than you are, but you are only seeing the image they portray to others. Everyone has their own fears and weaknesses — after all, we’re all human. Be happy being you.

 

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The Benefits of Taking Stock of Your Life

Taking stock is about finding personal happiness and discovering your life purpose.

tcloudMake some time where you can really think about where you are and whats happening around you at the moment. You need to sometimes give yourself time to step back and evaluate things, otherwise the day to day stuff will overwhelm.

You are the owner of your life – so take an overview every so often – make sure you are planning and heading where you want to go – not just living the day to day just keeping your head above water.

 

 

Consider these things:

  • What are you PUTTING UP WITH at the moment?
  • What do you think you should be doing right now, professionally and personally?
  • What things are frustrating you about yourself, your life, Health, Work, Others?
  • What do you REALLY, REALLY WANT right now in your personal and/or professional life?
  • How do your currently feel? How do you want to feel?

 

Also look at things around you like your home, work, office, health etc and make a list for each area of things that need to be done.

For example look at your home, go around each and every part of your house noting down anything that you can see that needs sorting out. Here are some examples:

  • DIY that needs doing
  • Cleaning jobs that have not been done for a while
  • Mending things
  • Sorting and clearing out rooms/cupboards etc…
  • Charity run / Tip run
  • Filing pile building up

Its probable that these things are playing on your mind, causing frustration, upset etc.

Take time to sit down and give some thought to whats fallen by the wayside in your life:-

  • Getting social dates in the diary with friends and family
  • Booking things that you want to do in the coming months
  • Revamping your weekly schedule
  • Giving time for fitness
  • Starting a new hobby or gaining a qualification

This can become a very long list (especially if you are really thorough and consider every little thing) – but the key is to see exactly what needs doing, and then you can more easily do something about it.

Think of it as a complete overhaul of your Master to do list – which can be forgotten sometimes when life gets in the way. It can become outdated quickly at times.

The benefits of taking action

I know this is asking you to take time out of what is usually a hectic and busy schedule – but the argument for taking stock every so often far outweighs the argument for not doing so.

If you can take stock of your life – there are so many benefits:-

  • You gain a better perspective on whats niggling you constantly
  • You can start to add these items as “TO DOs” into your diary – one a day would be a great place to star
  • You can see what you can delegate to others to get through things more quickly
  • You have a better understanding of where you are, and where you want/need to be
  • You gain more head space as you aren’t constantly thinking about things that need to be done

Taking Action

Now you have a long list of things to do prioritise them. What are the most important tasks? which ones aren’t so urgent and which ones can be left.

All these things can so easily swamp your mind if they aren’t dealt with– so take some time out get on top of things once and for all.