Why it is important to let go of the past

It is so easy to allow unresolved past issues, hurt, pain and regrets to impact heavily on the present moment. Wishing we had done things differently, resenting relationships, people and events that have occurred in our lives can lead to wallowing in resentment and pain and keep us stuck in the past.

If only there was a way to turn back the clock and do things differently.

If we knew then what we know now, everything would work out perfectly.

We could have avoided the trauma, spared ourselves the tears and walked away pain-free to carry on and live a perfectly happy life.

Or so we tell ourselves.

Learning to live fully present can be one of the most difficult but fulfilling things to master. However, until we do this, all kinds of past issues will keep coming up and cloud our minds.

One of the main reasons we struggle to live in the present moment is that we carry huge amounts of baggage around from past experiences. Once we have been hurt, or something significant has happened, the emotion etches in our minds as a warning to prevent it from happening again in future experiences.

We can find ourselves going over, and over again, certain situations to find some way to make sense of everything, why it happened to us, what did we do to deserve it etc.

All we are really doing though, is overwhelming our minds with constant negativity and so it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to see things with clarity and put them in perspective.

One of the ways we can combat this is to focus on exactly what is going on in our lives right now,this moment.

Every day we remain trapped in the past, countless amazing opportunities pass us by. It’s important to clear everything that we no longer need, whether that is:

  • People
  • Emotions
  • Thoughts
  • Jobs
  • Situations
  • Relationships
  • Events

This will not only clear space in your life it will help to free you up emotionally and energetically allowing you to create change and manifest the things in life you desire.

We all go through hurt, anger, pain and destruction and it is there for a reason. It there to help us learn and grow. Each person that you meet, each situation in your life and each event is there to teach us something.

It is by looking at each of these things in turn, acknowledging them and the lesson they have brought us, forgiving them and letting them go that we can move forwards from our pasts. The past is the past for a reason. It is people, events or situations that no longer serve us, it is time to let them go so that we can make room in our lives for new people, opportunities, possibilities and events.

Trust me I have been through my own share of hurt, pain, disastrous relationships and more. I have use all the tools I use in my coaching session to get me where I am today. You can read My Story here.

Are you ready to leave the past behind you and create change?

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My Story!

The years have gone by so fast and its not until I look back over everything that has happened that I realise I have been through a lot and achieved a lot too.

I got married at 21 and had my first child at 21, things were pretty good, six years later, after fertility treatment, I had my second child. Shortly after she was born I left my Husband because his behaviour was unreasonable and he did nothing but watch sport on the tv and shout at the kids.

I spent a few months on my own with the kids and it wasn’t long before I met someone new. Things moved along really quickly and it wasn’t long before he moved in. Things were going really well and he was great with the kids. After about 2 years he started to change and things became quiet difficult at times. He was a compulsive lier! Over the course of a 10 year relationship he left or had affairs numerous times but each time it didn’t work out he would come back, I would allow him to come back! He would start to call me constantly, then he would start with the suicide threats until I gave in. Each time he would promise to get help and sort himself out. The lies were incredible and his moods would change instantly. He put me in hospital once after he decided to beat me up. He told everyone that his dad sexually assaulted him on a train when he was a child and all sorts of other nonsense because he was an attention seeker and he basically didn’t know the difference between truth and lies.

When things were good, they were really good but when things were bad, they were really bad. During this time I had my third child, which was a real shock as I would told I would never have any more children unless I underwent more fertility treatment!

At the time we had a cake business that was doing really well. He was a smooth talker and a charmer so getting clients was easy for him. One day I receive a complaint that a birthday cake hadn’t arrived so I obviously questioned him about it, of course I got nothing but lies from him. He would go and see the clients and take the deposits, but he wasn’t putting it all through the books so the orders couldn’t be put through the books either. He started going out a lot and would disappear over night. One night he told me that he had been locked up for being drunk and disorderly, yet another lie. A couple of days later I got a call from a bride who was incredibly upset that her wedding cake hadn’t arrived!! There were no records of this order of course. This was my final tipping point, I had people arriving at my house because they hadn’t received orders and he wasn’t answering his phone. I called the police and reported what had happened, packed his stuff, left it outside and told him to collect it.

It was at this point I decided enough was enough and it was only me that could change all this. He was never going to have a hold over me again and neither was anyone else. Luckily for me neither of the kids dad’s were really interested in them so I never had to share them, they were just mine. Of course this meant they didn’t pay child maintenance or have them at all but I was very ok with this. It was them that kept me going.

I Decided to have my very first Tarot reading. He always joked “what do you think you are psychic” because I would know exactly when I would received the suicide threats. So I thought I would give it a go. I called a lovely lady called Trish who came to see me a few days later. I had a great reading with her and she really set me off on a new path. She confirmed that yes I was Psychic and I should be working as a healer. She initiated me into Reiki 1 and 2. I joined a spiritual group where I learned how to read Tarot and Angel cards, meditate and connect with my guides. I took a course in crystal healing and finished my Reiki master/teacher degree. I met some lovely people along my journey and I also met some not so lovely people. I had a really good clearing of all the things that didn’t serve me including friends and sadly one of my teachers as she had a very strange way of treating pupils that were doing really well for themselves. I got a job on Psychic Today and things were looking really good.

Within a few weeks of ending the relationship my youngest daughter had a horrific accident. My eldest daughter for some unknown reason lit a tea light candle and put it on the coffee table. My youngest daughter sat on the table not realising there was a candle on it and it set her dress alight, it was a dressing up dress which was highly flamable. I was downstairs at this time, we lived in a town house. My eldest daughter dragged her down the stairs with her dress alight and one of my friends dropped and rolled her and got her in a cold shower whilst we called the ambulance. She was taken to our local hospital and then rushed to a burns unit just over an hour away. The burns on her back were severe, her arms, bottom and hair were not as bad. She was in the hospital for 10 days and sent home. After a day at home she was rushed back in to under go surgery as she wasn’t healing and she had become infected. She had to have skin graphs on her back and was in hospital for another 5 days. My friends were great helping out with my other daughter, my son was pretty self sufficient at this time. Whist I was at the hospital I had a call from my friend telling me that my other daughter was really unwell. I left my youngest daughter for a few hours to check on my other daughter. I told her I would be back in a few hours. My other daughter was complaining of belly ache and rolling around on the floor. She was a proper drama queen, so I told her I was going to spend some time with her, she really didn’t need to roll around the floor. I though she was just a bit jealous as I hadn’t seen her much over the last 10 days. She carried on so I called the doctor, as I did she was very sick and it was green! They made an emergency appointment for me to take her straight in. The doctor checked her over and sent her straight to the Hospital with suspected appendicitis! The hospital took one look at her and she was in theatre within 15 minutes of arriving. When they came out to tell me how she was doing they informed me it was about to burst! She had only been unwell for a few hours, I was really shocked, I had no idea it could happen so fast. I now had to choose which daughter to spend the night with, in which hospital and in which county!

My eldest was released the following afternoon and went straight to my mums so that I could go back to the other hospital and be with my youngest. My youngest recovered well, the skin graphs took and I did lots of Reiki and massage with her. The doctors were impressed at the speed she was recovering. We had to go to the hospital 3 times a week to change dressings, eventually it went down to two, then one and after a year we didn’t have to go back. The trips were taking up most of my time as it was 90 minutes each way and would just get back in time to get my other two from school.

I continued my study and focused on just me and kids. I put everything I learned into practice. I used gratitude and forgiveness on a daily basis to help me to leave the past behind me and focus on my present moment. I was learning so much and I wanted to share all of this with my clients so I took a life coaching course and many other courses so that I could build programs and session to help my friends and my clients.

After four years of my friends nagging me to get out and meet people (I do like my own company and am perfectly happy on my own) I gave in and let one of my friends build me a profile on an internet dating site. It was fun for about an hour but it really didn’t sit right with me so I asked her to take it down. I would find another way to meet someone. I had read the book the secret and studied the law of attraction and cosmic ordering, so I thought it would be a great idea to cosmically order my perfect partner. So I did and 3 weeks later he arrived!! He has two children so my family has grown from 4 to 7, it can be very hectic when we are all together. I will tell you more about this in another article.

We went on holiday to Rome, it was fantastic, we loved it. We talked a lot when we got back about how lovely it would be to move to Italy, but we had no idea how we could make this happen. A year later we took my daughters to Rome and at that point we decided we were moving to Italy! We had no idea where in Italy we were moving to but we were moving. 8 months later we moved here! I will share with you exactly how we manifested this in another article.

I now have my dream home, my perfect partner and everything else I want, but that doesn’t mean life is always easy! Since we moved here back in July mother nature has certainly had something to say about it. Within 4 weeks of being here we experienced our first earthquake, and have had many, many more since. They hadn’t had an earthquake in this part of Italy for nearly 20 years! Then we experienced the Sirocco winds that tore though our land and finally this month more snow than ever. So to say thing have been exciting here is an understatement!

Life hasn’t always been easy and I have been through my fair share of difficult times but that isn’t going to stop me getting what I want and helping other make major changes in their lives too. My mum will tell you I am one of the unluckiest people ever because nothing ever goes right or doesn’t happen easily, the way I planned or without problems. But I still make it happen!

If you would like to know more about my programs and packages to help you leave the past behind you and create a life you are excited about then please visit my website.

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The Law of Attraction

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The law of attraction is the universal law that says “ like attracts like”, and that by using this process we can bring into our lives the things that we want. Every thought we have goes out into the universe and the universe brings us back what we have thought about, whether that thought is negative or positive. The universe cannot distinguish between the things we want and the things we don’t, it just reacts to the thought patterns we have.

Einstein proved that everything in the universe is made of energy and this energy vibrates on different frequencies. The law of attraction is one of the most powerful universal laws this law states that whatever we send out to the universe we get back, like attracts like. So if we are sending out negative thoughts and emotions we will get back more negative thoughts and emotions. If we send out positive thoughts and emotions we will get back positive thoughts and emotions. Our thoughts have a frequency and are magnetic, as we think our thoughts we magnetically attract like thoughts.

Imagine if you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about your job, such as  “I detest my job” guess what, the universe will bring in thoughts about your job which in turn will bring in more things to dislike about your job. Therefore if you don’t like you job, do something about it, nothing is going to change unless you put in the effort to do something about it and then take action. Use the law of attraction to make the changes you would like in life.

If you are a positive person and are sending out lots of positive thoughts you give the universe the opportunity to bring in more positive thoughts. Let’s say you love your job. You wake up in the morning excited to go to work, to see your colleagues, clients etc. not only do you have a positive mind set but you are also sending thoughts out that you are happy, excited etc. guess what the universe will  bring in more thoughts about liking your job and you will have more things to be happy and excited about.

It is important to understand that our thoughts become manifestations, our thoughts become our life! If we take the time to look back at the past we can see how we brought things to us, they were our thoughts. Maybe we spent a lot of time thinking about debt, and now we have a lot of debt, maybe we spent a lot of time thinking we were not worthy of the wonderful relationship we had with our partner and now that relationship is over.  Maybe we spent a lot of time thinking about our dream house and now we are living in that dream house.

One of the reasons that people do not have the things they want in their lives is because they spend more time thinking about the things they don’t want rather than the things they do want.  The universe doesn’t work with negatives like don’t, no and not. It just removes these words so it is very important to think about your thoughts. For example “I don’t want to miss the bus.” The universe hears I want to miss the bus, and your day just gets worse from here on in! Instead of I don’t want to miss the bus change it to a positive, I will arrive at the bus stop in plenty of time.

Of course it is impossible to monitor every single thought we have as we have so many in a day. Firstly concentrate on the things you would like to change! Think about the perfect job, the perfect body, abundance etc. and go from there.

The law of attraction is a three step process: ask, believe and receive. It is really that simple and there are some great tools that you can use to help you to manifest the life you desire. We are the creators of our  lives and our dreams and we have the power to manifest anything we wish.

Ask – send out the thoughts of the things you would like with feeling, feel what it would be like to have the things you want.

Believe – believe that you deserve them and believe that the universe will deliver them, you don’t need to worry about how they will be delivered, just believe that they will.

Receive – now you have done the hard work, be open to receiving what you have asked for, however it arrives.

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Tools to help you to use this three step process.

There are many tools available to help us with taking control of our lives and manifesting the life we deserve, here are a few that I have found very helpful.

Meditation – helps quieten the mind so you can focus on the things you truly desire

Positive thought – brings in more things to be positive about.

Affirmations – positive statements that affirm we have what we want.

Gratitude – the more we are grateful for the more the universe will bring us to be grateful for. For more information on gratitude please click here

Visualisation – see the things you want, visualise and imagine what they look like.

Feelings – feel excited about having the things you want, feel the feelings of having everything you want.

Vision Boarding – a collage of pictures you can see often to help you visualise what you want. For more information on vision board please click here

Intention – intend to have the things you desire.

Releasing blockages – we may have blockages that stop us from having the things we desire like being uncomfortable around money, or feeling that you don’t deserve money so releasing any blockages is necessary in order to receive.

Forgiveness – when we forgive we are letting go of past issues and living in the present. Please find more information on forgiveness here and forgiveness rituals here

Working with the moons phases – the moon is a very powerful energy and its phases have been used for hundreds of years. There is a phase for removing the things you want and one for bringing in the things you desire. Article here

Goal setting – setting goals helps us to have focus and to see the things we have achieved.

Cosmic ordering – allows us to have real focus on what we want and is a ritual to send out to the universe what we truly desire.

Speak your truth – when we speak from our hearts, we speak our truth and it is very liberating.

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Forgiveness Ritual

 

Forgiveness-Quotes-58As you let go of hurt and pain you will no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt in the past. You will be living in the present and planning your future.

Here is a ritual you can perform to forgive those that have caused you pain.

Find a quiet space, where you feel comfortable and relaxed and will not be disturbed. If you wish you can light a candle and some incense and have some crystals, rose quarts is a good choice as it offers unconditional love.

Sit quietly, with your eyes closed, take a couple of deep breaths to help you relax.

Bring in an image of the person you wish to forgive. Have them sit or stand in front of you.

Now open your heart to them and mentally say to them,

“I forgive you for anything you have done to me knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally to hurt or upset me.

I ask you forgive me for anything I’ve done to you knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally to hurt or upset you.

I forgive myself for anything I’ve done to you knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally to hurt or upset you.”

If you feel it necessary you can express the things that hurt you and the pain it has caused you. But it is not a necessary process.

When you have finished and are happy that you have said what needs to be said come back into the room and extinguish the candles. Take a minute to sit quietly with your thoughts and feelings. Be in tune with your feelings for a while and listen to what your feelings are telling you. Do you feel a weight has been lifted? Do you feel more relaxed and at ease?

If you still feel anger or resentment repeat the process until you feel at ease with the person that caused the pain.

The Power of Forgiveness

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Most of us have been hurt or wronged by people we love or care about.  Maybe you have been criticized by parents, cheated on by a spouse or, constantly told you are stupid by the people around you. Whether they hurt us by actions or words the effects can cause us to feel bitter and resentful.  It is when we hold on to these feelings that we start to cause ourselves problems and this can leave us with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or wanting revenge.

 

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a conscious decision to let go of resentment, bitterness, anger and thoughts of revenge.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you move forwards with your life releasing resentment and pain.

The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness will help to alleviate its grip on you and help you focus on other more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can also help you to understand and offer feelings of empathy and compassion for the person who hurt you. Forgiveness also stops you looking back at past events and allows you to focus on the future.

 

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of hurt, anger, pain and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness, understanding and peace.

Forgiveness can also lead to:

Healthier, happier relationships.

Less anxiety, stress and hostility.

Lower blood pressure.

Fewer symptoms of depression and sadness.

Lower risk of alcohol and substance dependency.

The ability to look to the future and stop focusing on the past.

 

What are the effects of carrying this hurt and pain?

When we are unable to forgive the person who wronged us we will repeatedly bring the same scenario’s into our lives, relationships and experiences. If you become so wrapped up in the wrong you will never enjoy the present or the future. This can often lead to depression and often alcohol dependency which will numb the constant pain. The pain you are carrying can also stop you feeling that your life has purpose or that you are of value and loved by others.

When we carry around anger, frustration, un-forgiveness and pain our energy levels are of a low vibration. When we live on a low vibration we attract people on a low vibration, thus bringing forwards the same kind of relationships we have previously experienced, so nothing will change. As we forgive and change we will higher our vibration and attract people on a higher vibration, changing our experiences and our relationships.

How to forgive?

By forgiving you are committing to change, letting go of negativity, releasing fear and living in the present.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Look at the situation honestly and how it is affecting your everyday life, health and well-being. Do you want this person to still be in control of your life or are you going to take back control and stop playing the victim?

How will forgiving this person change your everyday life? Will it allow you to make the changes you need too to start enjoying you life?

When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive this person who’s hurt or wronged you so that you can move forwards with your life.

Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and take back control.

As you let go of hurt and pain you will no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt in the past. You will be living in the present and planning your future. You might even find compassion and understanding for others.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behaviour or words isn’t the point of forgiveness, we all have fee will. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life, by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to have in your life.

Forgiveness is about you and moving your life forwards, not the person who wronged you.

If you are constantly looking at the past, how can you enjoy your present and build your future???